Relationship Baggage...Are You Suffering For it?

 

 

Why do people make other people pay for other people mistakes when they enter a new relationship? I have so many girlfriends come to me and tell me another tiff they got into with their men and then they will get into everything and then actually excuse the guy and his behavior because he’s a certain way. Like for an example “I told him how much I didn’t want to be treated like that because of what happened to me with Rick when we broke up, and as soon as we get into an argument over what was nothing he uses his ex against me and attacks me calling me and her the same bitches because you know he already got trust issues so I have to tread lightly on everything not to set him off!” I don’t even know where to begin when you look up for a retort. No woman or guy coming into a new relationship should have to suffer for other’s people mistakes and you should not tolerate it because you were not there, had no associating with how his or her last relationship when it all went down so the best thing to do is make that known to him or her at first and if he can’t get over it than you need to tell him or her goodbye. It will never work if you are already the comparison of the last bitch or asshole in their eyes that tore their world apart. They will be looking for you to fail like their ex’s failed them. Make it known that this is a new dawn new damn day, and you ain’t having it. You are a completely different person also trying to find a good person to mesh with and is not bringing that into the relationship so they should not either. They can either let go and deal with what lies ahead or they need to be alone until they are fully heal. Emotionally it’s draining and you feel like crap when you aren’t the one that initially caused his or hers warped issues in the first place.

Dating with kids—I heard a woman who I learned took some sort of life class and told me they teach people to wait a year if the relationship longevity aggresses for the introduction of kids, then if talks of marriage come into play wait another year to be together and then get married. She made it like if you don’t get the time slot perfect it want work. I agree a small tiny percent, but the other crap is nonsense. If you have kids and have left their father and now you are pursuing other people you need to live by four words, Respect the Kids first. You respect your kids, if you put them first over what you want, you don’t need to wait forever and a friggin day to finally fulfill a gap. You need to go by what the kids are feeling and sensing to know when and how to tread with a new man. Mind you kids might hold a grudge or will never accept mommy or daddy moving on without mommy or daddy that’s when you need to then sway, yes sway your kids to proving that the new person is genuinely a good for you and them. Not force to them to know but get them to know it, baby step it. Remember dad to them has been dad always so don’t bring other wannabe dad’s into their lives so fast. Let you and him be about you and him and leave them out for awhile. You’re life is no longer consistent with one man in it now. You’re dating now, so one, two, or three or four men might not make the cut right off the bat. However it is not a good look for your kids to meet these men right off the bat. Give it three or four months I say because by then you should know this person well enough to see how genuine he is by now to meet your kids. It is a complex subject and sometimes women have no disassociating from dating and wanting something real. Some women having left their long-term relationships don’t want to breathe or “have fun” so needless to say keep the children out of it, with none being the wiser. Children do not want to see guy after guy it creates the look that a relationship like that is normal because that’s what they have grown up to see. If you want a another committed man like the one you left though it wasn’t that committed obviously than you need to do it smart and bide your time.